What I do when I should be writing.
Today I’m going to completely ignore all the laundry in the house and all the dishes in the sink and the taxes and the possible termite problem in the bathroom. And also working on my novel. That too. Instead, I’m going to do a tutorial on how to make Barbie clothes. Because if you’re a mom of girls or even boys in my case, you’ve got a shit ton of naked Barbies around. Also, no one can waste time like I can. NO ONE.
Barbie came home naked from Ken’s house all the time when I was growing up. My sister Bridget and I decided that rather than force her to go back there and get them, we’d make her some. Dating Ken is humiliating enough without having to go back for your evening gown.
There are just two things necessary for Barbie clothes: scissors and odd socks. So today I raided our Lonely Hearts Sock Club and pulled out a few different ones. Currently we only have two Barbies. One is a Mermaid and the other is shockingly still clothed, though her short shorts have Velcro at the back, for Ken I guess, who after all these years still can’t manage snaps. Fool. But Velcro Ken can handle. So she won’t be dressed much longer, nudge nudge wink wink.
In my house, Barbie did a lot of clubbing. Like, a lot. She pretty much lived on the dance floor. If you’ve ever seen Barbie try to dance, you know she’s just got one move which is the pivot. She stands rigid, arms in some kind of rigor mortis position and pivots forward and backwards on her tip toes. So she’d call up Skipper and be like, “Yo, let’s go pivot.” At our house, this dance club only played one song. That song was Safety Dance:
Sometimes Bridget who was the guest DJ would make a kind of remix where we would turn on a fan and say the lyrics into the fan, creating a kind of choppy, echoey effect that when you’re nine sounds super awesome. Anyway, I got distracted by the Safety dance.
So on with the tutorial:
Note that Mattel has bothered to make undies for her (note the textured area) but I think they’re made of net and flesh toned. Also no bra. They have added a dog collar on this one by the looks of it. Stay classy Barbie, stay classy.
Nekked
Let’s get started. The socks I had to work with are below. I didn’t use all of them, but most. The long black one is Arun’s dress sock. The black one with “Power” on it actually says “Power Reviews,” a place I used to work where we reviewed things powerfully. The others are kid socks.
They look like socks now, but just wait.
So I took Arun’s dress sock first and cut notches in the side of the toe part of the sock, for Barbie’s arms. Tiny notches will do, she’s an anorexic.
Too much time on her hands exhibit A.
Then cut off the bottom of the sock to the length you want. I went for a sophisticated ball gown look. Slip the sock over her head, pull her arms through and fold over the top part, like so:
Tara thinks to herself: I should probably get a job.
You’ll note the gown is still a bit shapeless, so take some of the extra fabric and create a bandeau around her waist. And presto-chango, she’s ready for a sophisticated night out, as long as you don’t see her from the back.
Oscar ready.
The below cherry sock is Ivy’s. I made it into a romper. You can’t always be sophisticated. Sometimes you need to romp.
You know, a romper. For romping.
And note the coordinating hair tie, also from the sock.
Next I tried a Thomas the Tank dress. Fail. Note the poochy butt in the second pic.
Looks like Thomas is having a look up her dress.
"I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other bruthas can't deny..".nevermind, this is just ugly.
But this, THIS is my triumph. The air hostess, with cape and jaunty cap, made from the Power Reviews sock. Really hope I never find the match for this one, Arun likes these.
The two tone dress! The jaunty cap!
Also if anyone knows how to make an arrow in Photoshop, help. Mine look drunk.
{ 7 comments }
