The Best Zombie Ever

The Zombies visit Yosemite. And take a sleeping break.

One time my husband Arun said he likes when I write about him. It makes him feel famous.  He doesn’t know that four people read this blog, and as I found out yesterday two of them are probably looking for advice about actual bed bugs.  But you know, I like to throw him a bone and since he’s given me permission to write about him, I’m going to have at it.

Arun is my second husband.  First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.  That’s what Hazel says.  But I’m not doing this shit a third time people, so I’ll have to marry Arun twice, which works, he’s pretty hairy.  Arun can find anything.  You can say, “Hey do you know where that slip of paper is that has some kind of scribble on it that looks like a million other pieces of paper with scribbles on it?” And he’ll go oh, yeah, and tell you where it is.  Every. Single. Time.  It’s like a miracle.  I bet you could ask him where you left your wallet in third grade and he’d know.  No joke.

Arun can also fix anything.  Sometimes he fixes it worse, but mostly better.  He likes cars.  He will say things like, “Look at that Toyota.  It has Mustang wheels.”  Or:  “That’s an after market paint job on that Audi.  They didn’t make the S4 in ‘99 in that color.”  He is currently coveting a Fiat 500 like this.  I’m not even sure both of us can fit in it at the same time.  For the most part Arun is very sensible.  Except about cars, and then he’s a lunatic who should probably be treated.

Arun has narcolepsy with cataplexy.  It’s a little like being married to a zombie, a really awesome zombie who can find anything and doesn’t want to eat my brain.  I can’t stress this enough in case he is reading this and takes offense to the zombie-likening, he’s like the best zombie ever.  But he’s tired a lot.  And all the drugs we’ve tried are not all that helpful.  But he manages, with the occasional nap here and there.  The cataplexy part is now mostly under control with  a drug called Strattera.  Cataplexy is a sudden loss of muscle control brought on by strong emotion.  Fear, laughing, happiness.  It spikes and he sort of collapses.  Before the Strattera, any spike in emotion would have his knees buckling like a stringed puppet.   He is apologetic about it; he feels bad he needs to fall asleep randomly.  But how can you be upset with a guy who looked at everything I had to offer – a train wreck of a divorce, three small children and my occasional panic attacks – and say, oh hell yeah, I’m in.

So now you know about Arun.  I’ll write about him more unless he gets upset about the zombie thing.  And if you’re missing something, you should ask him in the comments.

Tagged as: arun, zombies