I get a significant amount of spam comments to my blog. They far outweigh the real comments, which hover somewhere around zero. They are often poetic in a sort of lunatic fringe kind of way. It’s like Engrish. Or like poetry from space put through a translator. So this is what I got today, as a response to my most recent post:
“Yes if the truth be known, in some moments I can bruit about that I jibe consent to with you, but you may be in the light of other options. To the article there is still a suspect as you did in the go over like a lead balloon a fall in love with issue of this solicitation. I noticed the axiom you have not used. Or you profit by the dreary methods of development of the resource.” - PrepeNapPetre
I’ve basically been sobbing ever since. Here’s why:
- My articles go over like a lead balloon. Thanks for the punch in the feelings.
- He noticed the axiom I have not used. An axiom is a self evident truth, a truth that requires no proof. So an axiom would be me not wanting shit for Valentine’s day. So what’s the axiom I haven’t used? It hardly matters, the point is, my posts are lacking. Insult number 2.
- I profit by dreary methods. I don’t profit in case you were wondering. But thanks for the reminder, asshole. If I did profit, it would be by dreary methods. Again with the insults.
- Bruit. I had to look it up. Its origins trace from the 1400s and it means something like reporting a rumor. So yeah, you’re smarter than me PrepeNapPetry.
So I went to the Shakespearean Insulter, since regular insults aren’t going to cut it with this guy. And I got:
“A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are toss’d with.” Which is evidently from Henry the IV, part I.
So there, Prepe.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I have to say that your blogspam is much, much more well-read than my blogspam. Mine tend to be unable to spell correctly, and that’s just depressing.
And, yes, real people do enjoy your writing.
I tried the Shakespearean Insulter and got this:
I make as good use of [thine face] as many a man doth of a death’s-head, or a momento mori.
Taken from: Henry IV, part I
I’m going to use this to insult people as many times as I can today.
This is what you need. I have one and am ready to spew a few chosen insults at any given moment.
Look: http://www.shoprockcandy.com/shinmug.html?productid=shinmug&channelid=FROOG
That idiot must have used an instant online translator. Of course, who knows what he read if he used it to translate your post, and maybe there is a matter of alphabet involved. So much for global understanding.
Wow.. that hurt my brain to read that comment! I’m new to your blog.. but I’m loving it!
Stupid spammers..
I bet it took them AGES to write that!! *Snigger*
I wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to say… but if you want one of Shakespeare’s REALLY bad insults you say “YOU PRINCE OF WALES!!” Anyway, the way you write makes me keep coming back for more.
P.S. What’s an axiom?